I have wondered for a while what masturbation is and why it is such a “you-know-what-must-not-be-mentioned” topic. The average Nigerian child grew up with this mentality, and so it has to be done behind closed doors. I finally became an adult with the liberty to explore the ‘unexplorable’, and then I realized it’s all a scam. I got to know what masturbation meant, and then my next question is “Is masturbation bad because it is a big separate sin on its own, or it’s bad because it is a form of sex?” I believe most will agree with the first, because that is how the picture has been painted everywhere, you would hear ironical statements from sexually active individuals like ‘Thank God I don’t masturbate, I always find someone to relieve my sexual urges’, or ‘why would you be masturbating, are there no men or women around to have sex with?’, and all these statements come with a very condescending tone, leaving the party who masturbates with an already piled up guilt.
In reality, one who masturbates, and one who has vaginal, oral or anal sex are all on the same level, because all these are forms of sex. So if you think it is bad because it is a form of sex, I might agree, because as a Christian, it applies you are not meant to engage in anything sexual until marriage, and with your spouse. On the other hand, if you are sexually active, it does not in any way matter, as a person who masturbates, and one who engages in premarital sex are in the same category.
My next question ‘Is it bad for married couples?’ I remember engaging in this conversation with a lady, and it was compared to bestiality as it is believed that you must only have sex with your spouse. I never got my head around that comparison, but I just never agreed with such view. All these views just made me realize most people, especially women don’t understand what masturbation is, and therefore see it as vile and shameful. Men on the other hand, do not share this view, as masturbation is socially acceptable for them, because they are more liberated sexually compared to women. They even have slangs that makes it seem cool like “wanking”, therefore it is seen as a norm for males but not for females.
The reason behind these beliefs is that heterosexual men have explored their sexuality earlier and more often, they gain pleasure with their sexuality, while women are scared to explore their sexuality and have no knowledge of pleasure prior to sexual intercourse, leaving heterosexual women without pleasure. How do you get someone to pleasure you when you are not aware of your own body parts? Some women are lucky they end up with patient lovers who teach them the secret ways of pleasure, but how many Nigerian men are patient lovers? Some do not even know there is an organ called ‘clitoris’. A lot of them are only aware of how to get their own pleasure, what then happens to the woman’s?
You should know masturbation is sex with oneself, and an act of self love. I am not saying everyone should masturbate, as there are people who do not think masturbation is okay for either men or women. But if you do feel guilty about it as a female, know that you should not, because it is not a thing of shame, it is only a form of sexual liberation, which is also a good thing. It is important to also know that more women engage in it more than they talk about it, because they are ashamed too, so you are not alone. If you decide to not engage in it, it should totally be your choice, and not due to the feeling of guilt. You can also engage in mutual masturbation with your partner.
Masturbation is the safest form, no pregnancy scares or sexually transmitted infection, and the best part is you still get sexually satisfied. Other benefits to masturbation include being a form of sleep inducer, relieves stress, and some use it to better understand their bodies.
At the end of this I want you to know that:
-masturbation is a form of sex and it is your choice.
-The double standard of it being acceptable for men, and not women should stop, women are just as sexual as men.
– If you masturbate especially if you are a female, don’t beat yourself up about it.
Olajumoke is a Reproductive health enthusiast, who channels her passion to writing on issues around sexual and reproductive health, and rights on her blog; https://preggiesnbabies.com/
https://preggiesnbabies.com/ She does this in a way that makes it comfortable and cool. When she is not blogging, she is saving lives of women and children.