RELATIONSHIPS: Laboring for the promise of marriage

There was a story at a time on social media, about a lady who had given her boyfriend money to study for his masters abroad. Years after, the young man broke up with the girlfriend who contributed financially in the attainment of his masters degree, and was set to marry another lady. The ex girlfriend came on social media to vent about how the young man had used her, and to talk about how wicked and heartless he was for leaving her, despite all her support, to marry someone else. 

Relationships are really cute when they end up in marriage, but when they don’t, in most cases (especially when they are long term), there’s usually one partner who ends up feeling used by the other, same partner often feels like he/she has wasted his/her time. It is not hard to see that one person in the relationship has been laboring for the promise of marriage, while the other has simply been benefiting from the labor of the former. So when the relationship does not end up in marriage, the partner whose aim is marriage feels used.

Dating for the purpose of marriage is not uncommon in our society, in fact, some people think that you shouldn’t be dating for any other purpose except marriage. That may make sense to some, but the problem with ‘dating for marriage’ is that, what if the relationship does not end up in conjugality? How will the your partner leave you, better than you were before the relationship or worse? 

Aside from the possibility of the relationship not resulting in marriage, there is the fact that if you decide to date someone for the purpose of marriage, instead of getting to know them first, you’ll end up settling for less, and dealing with a lot of nonsense, because you have decided to marry this person regardless of their shortcomings, which isn’t a wise thing to do. 

The thing about marriage is that nobody is entitled to marry another person, because the person has labored for them financially, mentally or otherwise. It is not a right you get because you have been there for someone for years, or because you gave up your life so that the person can have a better life. Sacrifices in relationships are pure choices, and not favors that should be expected to be returned with a wedding ring. Which is why it is wise to make sacrifices that you can easily forget about if the relationship ends, and not see helping your partner as an investment for matrimony. 

The best way to ensure a relationship does not end up with regrets, is to not date solely for the promise of marriage, but also for present value. Of course it’ll be lovely to end up marrying your current partner, given that you’re completely in love with the person, but the promise of matrimony shouldn’t be the only reason you’re with the person, instead, you should be with a person that adds value to you, support you mentally, emotionally or otherwise, so that even if the relationship ends, you’ll be left with little or no regrets, because you have optimized the time spent with the person.

Another thing that should not be overlooked is that, even when you end up getting married to someone who adds no value to you, the marriage will only be filled with your sweats and labor for your partner, with your partner growing and you shrinking, which is an unhealthy match. Things like marriages and companionships should come with other benefits asides from the promise of love and romance, it’s should include growth and support, either career wise or whichever way you seem fit as a person.

Marriages and relationships should be a thing of love and compatibility, but it should also serve as an avenue for mutual growth, support etc, because when it lacks those, then it barely serves its purpose, other that ‘mrs’ to your name, or a few kids that bear your surname (if you’re a man), you benefit nothing from your marriage to that person. It is thus a bare companionship built on the back of one person, which is completely unfair to the person.

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3 thoughts on “RELATIONSHIPS: Laboring for the promise of marriage

  1. Well said Bimbo well said. I can’t believe that I was one of those who belonged to the “don’t date if you are not marrying” gang. But thank God for feminism and common sense sha. The truth is, not all relationships would end up in marriage and that is perfectly okay. The most important thing is to focus on enjoying the person and the moment cause if one has the mindset of dating solely for marriage, the effect of heartbreak would be even more. Also dating for marriage kind of blurs out the person’s flaws and makes you desperate to focus on the little good they do.
    In the end, we should just focus on seeing if the person is actually a good partner whether if he/she would end up being a marriage partner. And btw, you have a beautiful blog. Don’t stop writing.

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